Horse Eden Eventing Game
Horse Eden Eventing Game


Year: 199   Season: Fall   
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Forecast: Sunny Day with a Full Moon tonight
Forecast:
Thu 08:36am  
Stables Online:  108 
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Hy Brasil
08:36:40 Croft
I tried her this month with this guy I bought,
-HEE Click- so probably int, or mvmt
Gemstone Stable
08:35:37 Snow❆Gem
@jericho

lol Its on my calendar I have in my bedroom. ;P

@grace

You're welcome! And I bet. :D
Ravenwood Farm
08:35:13 Raven
Min
Oh my, good luck!
Ravenwood Farm
08:34:25 Raven
Croft
Huh, she's for sure a tricky one. Maybe week 15 will help
Minerva
08:34:17 Min
I've got 4 maidens again this RO- pray for me
Valhalla Studs
08:34:07 Grace, Goose, Paris
@
Snowgem
Thank you, she was quite a surprise
Jericho Stables
08:33:48 
I was just thinking about that yesterday Gem, wondering when the clocks would change. Thanks for saving me the google search XD
Circle Star RIDs
08:33:10 Granny C
I'd say her strengths are pretty well distributed across all traits, which is a good thing.
Gemstone Stable
08:32:34 Snow❆Gem
@CC

I think its like March 8th?
Gemstone Stable
08:32:03 Snow❆Gem
@croft

Holy moly! XD
Hy Brasil
08:31:58 Croft
she had none and up all wk 12
Castle Creek Stable
08:31:22 CC
you're kidding gem is it really already that time?!
Gemstone Stable
08:31:05 Snow❆Gem
@grace

Oh! The silver copper bay splash white appaloosa is so gorgeous! :D
Ravenwood Farm
08:30:55 Raven
Not even in week 11?
Hy Brasil
08:29:33 Croft
she is driving me nuts have no clue on her strengths yet -HEE Click-
Gemstone Stable
08:29:14 Snow❆Gem
@river

lol In 3 weeks the clocks will change again. ;P
Valhalla Studs
08:29:00 Grace, Goose, Paris
I just realized this is my first time having two WWW fillys in one ro lol
-HEE Click-
-HEE Click-
River
08:26:23 ♡ River
I wish the sun would rise earlier
Gem Queens Estate
08:23:52 Snow❆Gem
587 Days

You have logged in 587 days in a row.
You earned: Rusty Bit Shard 1 - Makes A Rusty Bit

lol ;P
Jericho Stables
08:19:14 
Lost Mills, please be mindful of where you are posting. You did the same exact thing with the "oops" two days ago

You must be a registered member for more
than 1 day before you can use our chatbox.



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Hy Brasil
08:36:40 Croft
I tried her this month with this guy I bought,
-HEE Click- so probably int, or mvmt
Gemstone Stable
08:35:37 Snow❆Gem
@jericho

lol Its on my calendar I have in my bedroom. ;P

@grace

You're welcome! And I bet. :D
Ravenwood Farm
08:35:13 Raven
Min
Oh my, good luck!
Ravenwood Farm
08:34:25 Raven
Croft
Huh, she's for sure a tricky one. Maybe week 15 will help
Minerva
08:34:17 Min
I've got 4 maidens again this RO- pray for me
Valhalla Studs
08:34:07 Grace, Goose, Paris
@
Snowgem
Thank you, she was quite a surprise
Jericho Stables
08:33:48 
I was just thinking about that yesterday Gem, wondering when the clocks would change. Thanks for saving me the google search XD
Circle Star RIDs
08:33:10 Granny C
I'd say her strengths are pretty well distributed across all traits, which is a good thing.
Gemstone Stable
08:32:34 Snow❆Gem
@CC

I think its like March 8th?
Gemstone Stable
08:32:03 Snow❆Gem
@croft

Holy moly! XD
Hy Brasil
08:31:58 Croft
she had none and up all wk 12
Castle Creek Stable
08:31:22 CC
you're kidding gem is it really already that time?!
Gemstone Stable
08:31:05 Snow❆Gem
@grace

Oh! The silver copper bay splash white appaloosa is so gorgeous! :D
Ravenwood Farm
08:30:55 Raven
Not even in week 11?
Hy Brasil
08:29:33 Croft
she is driving me nuts have no clue on her strengths yet -HEE Click-
Gemstone Stable
08:29:14 Snow❆Gem
@river

lol In 3 weeks the clocks will change again. ;P
Valhalla Studs
08:29:00 Grace, Goose, Paris
I just realized this is my first time having two WWW fillys in one ro lol
-HEE Click-
-HEE Click-
River
08:26:23 ♡ River
I wish the sun would rise earlier
Gem Queens Estate
08:23:52 Snow❆Gem
587 Days

You have logged in 587 days in a row.
You earned: Rusty Bit Shard 1 - Makes A Rusty Bit

lol ;P
Jericho Stables
08:19:14 
Lost Mills, please be mindful of where you are posting. You did the same exact thing with the "oops" two days ago

You must be a registered member for more
than 1 day before you can use our chatbox.






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Forums > Rider's Lounge > Writer's Nook
   1 

Elnìa Vovelrí feel free to post October 5, 2019 11:44 AM

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Prologue

An eerie howling of a wolf broke the silence in the dark forest. Footsteps. A swift, smooth stride he measured. A silver haired Elf came into view. She didn’t notice him, not yet. He hissed and his snake tongue slid out. He leapt from his outpost in the tree and drew his sword. The female elf drew her sword too, and they circled each other on the path.

“Why don’t you strike?” A mocking voice joined them. The elf looked up, and saw a Elf-eared person. But she wasn’t an elf. She had black hair and glowing purple eyes, making her a Devilress. The elf muttered something under her breath and a blue ray shot out of her palm. It exploded and both others fell to the ground. The Devilress muttered some ineligible and they both recovered.
The snake-tongued person hissed in anger.

“I won’t strike because I need her.” He said.

The elf cursed under her breath and placed her hand on her sword.

“So, Shade, elf, here we meet again.” The Devilress sneered.

The three attacked each other ferociously, each gaining and losing ground. The elf dropped her sword and the shade advanced, but she drew an arrow aimed at his heart. The Devilress drew two boomerang made of metal with inscriptions on it. She threw them and hit the elf’s bow, causing her aim to falter. The shade dissolved into smoke and disappeared into thin air.

The elf turned on the Devilress. “I could’ve killed him! And you jolted me. What do you want?”

“I want the scroll.” She said it with ease, savouring every word.

The elf’s eyes widened with fear. The Devilress murmured some more words, but quickly the elf shouted, “Elnìa Vovelrí!” And a flash of light blinded them and the scroll disappeared just before the elf collapsed on the ground.



Edited at October 6, 2019 05:11 AM by The wilderness
Elnìa Vovelrí feel free to post October 6, 2019 10:16 AM

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#460109
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It’s a good start. I like your tone, but you need to slow your pacing down. Take more time to describe what’s happening and to set the scene. For example I might change the first few moments to be:


An eerie howling of a wolf broke the silence in the dark forest. Footsteps. Silent and swift, a dark shape moved in the shadows of the trees. Watching, stalking. His pace was smooth, his stride measured. A silver haired Elf came into view. She didn’t notice him, not yet. He hissed and a long tongue slid from his jaws, flickering like a serpent. He leapt from his hiding place within the trees and drew a glistening silver shortsword. It gave him away.
The sheen of his blade caught the elf’s gaze. She drew her sword too and their blades clashed as she caught it before it could slash at her exposed neck. The strange creature leapt back and the two began to circle each other on the narrow dark path.

Edited at October 6, 2019 10:17 AM by Alvarron
Elnìa Vovelrí feel free to post October 6, 2019 10:18 AM

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Yeah I was rushed. :(
Elnìa Vovelrí feel free to post October 6, 2019 10:18 AM

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IÂ’m on my phone so I canÂ’t do apostrophes. I would add even more detail then what I did, like describe the shade a bit more. The only distinguishing feature about him is his serpentine tongue.

I have a degree in English, so if you want or need any help just let me know! IÂ’d be glad to help.
Elnìa Vovelrí feel free to post October 6, 2019 11:18 AM

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I specialise in English. I did it for GCSE and degrees.
Elnìa Vovelrí feel free to post October 6, 2019 01:38 PM

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Then never mind. Haha.
Elnìa Vovelrí feel free to post October 6, 2019 01:41 PM

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#460317
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Ok thanks

Forums > Rider's Lounge > Writer's Nook
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