Horse Eden Eventing Game
Horse Eden Eventing Game


Year: 197   Season: Winter   
$: 0
Forecast: Sunshine with a Solar Eclipse
Forecast:
Sat 02:36am  
Stables Online:  60 
Chatbox
Lunalovegood
02:25:17 Loony/Loony Tune
Geek, Oh no
Transformers Acres
02:23:13 Geek, Greek Yogurt
I just found videos of my puppy. The one who died four months ago.


I'mma need more tissues, cause now I'm sobbing at 3:30 in the damn morning.
PoloStables
02:16:57 MightyMo
-HEE Click- I just bred this little lady and have no idea what to name her xd
PoloStables
02:14:10 MightyMo
Anyone wanna rp? I'm bored pls pm
Lunalovegood
02:08:04 Loony/Loony Tune
Hey guys, how where your Christmases?
Lucky
02:02:45 luvky
kirph i don't know if you're lurking or not but i just wanted to compliment the new stable set xD

absolutely carplishious
Moonrose Magic
01:57:23 🎀 Diva
Morning
Transformers Acres
01:50:23 Geek, Greek Yogurt
Me, on YouTube watching horse videos:

YouTube: *puts Ruffian breaking down in the first video*

Me: I'm calling my therapist--
Gypsy Family Farm
12:59:05 
They are just so HAPPY.

-Click-
Gypsy Family Farm
12:56:52 
I just bawled watching the video of the dogs at the Irish shelter getting to choose their toys. *sniffles*
RFS Thoroughbreds
12:47:36 Fern/Fref/Ferf/fih
stranger things
Blue Diamond
12:46:42 Bluey
Who's Dustin?
Blue Diamond
12:46:34 Bluey
In....?
RFS Thoroughbreds
12:46:10 Fern/Fref/Ferf/fih
crying because dustin actually made me start crying in volume two
Blue Diamond
12:41:59 Bluey
How about yourself?
Blue Diamond
12:41:52 Bluey
Been better. Cramps are killing me but ya know
RFS Thoroughbreds
12:41:08 Fern/Fref/Ferf/fih
ayyy bd how ya doin
Blue Diamond
12:40:45 Bluey
Fern!
RFS Thoroughbreds
12:39:40 Fern/Fref/Ferf/fih
oki
KPH Equestrian
12:39:19 Rapcoon | Jester
i gotta go feed the dog and the goosie, un momento >>;

You must be a registered member for more
than 1 day before you can use our chatbox.



Rules   Hide
You are in: Main Chat
View Sales Chat
Quests

Embark on a Quest.

Horse Eden Eventing Game
Chatbox
Lunalovegood
02:25:17 Loony/Loony Tune
Geek, Oh no
Transformers Acres
02:23:13 Geek, Greek Yogurt
I just found videos of my puppy. The one who died four months ago.


I'mma need more tissues, cause now I'm sobbing at 3:30 in the damn morning.
PoloStables
02:16:57 MightyMo
-HEE Click- I just bred this little lady and have no idea what to name her xd
PoloStables
02:14:10 MightyMo
Anyone wanna rp? I'm bored pls pm
Lunalovegood
02:08:04 Loony/Loony Tune
Hey guys, how where your Christmases?
Lucky
02:02:45 luvky
kirph i don't know if you're lurking or not but i just wanted to compliment the new stable set xD

absolutely carplishious
Moonrose Magic
01:57:23 🎀 Diva
Morning
Transformers Acres
01:50:23 Geek, Greek Yogurt
Me, on YouTube watching horse videos:

YouTube: *puts Ruffian breaking down in the first video*

Me: I'm calling my therapist--
Gypsy Family Farm
12:59:05 
They are just so HAPPY.

-Click-
Gypsy Family Farm
12:56:52 
I just bawled watching the video of the dogs at the Irish shelter getting to choose their toys. *sniffles*
RFS Thoroughbreds
12:47:36 Fern/Fref/Ferf/fih
stranger things
Blue Diamond
12:46:42 Bluey
Who's Dustin?
Blue Diamond
12:46:34 Bluey
In....?
RFS Thoroughbreds
12:46:10 Fern/Fref/Ferf/fih
crying because dustin actually made me start crying in volume two
Blue Diamond
12:41:59 Bluey
How about yourself?
Blue Diamond
12:41:52 Bluey
Been better. Cramps are killing me but ya know
RFS Thoroughbreds
12:41:08 Fern/Fref/Ferf/fih
ayyy bd how ya doin
Blue Diamond
12:40:45 Bluey
Fern!
RFS Thoroughbreds
12:39:40 Fern/Fref/Ferf/fih
oki
KPH Equestrian
12:39:19 Rapcoon | Jester
i gotta go feed the dog and the goosie, un momento >>;

You must be a registered member for more
than 1 day before you can use our chatbox.






Refresh


Forums

→ Horse Eden is a fun game! Sign Up Now!

My Subscriptions
My Bookmarks
My Topics
Latest Topics
Following

Forums > Rider's Lounge > Writer's Nook
   1 

Elnìa Vovelrí feel free to post October 5, 2019 11:44 AM

Former Stable
 
Posts: 0
#459352
Give Award
Prologue

An eerie howling of a wolf broke the silence in the dark forest. Footsteps. A swift, smooth stride he measured. A silver haired Elf came into view. She didn’t notice him, not yet. He hissed and his snake tongue slid out. He leapt from his outpost in the tree and drew his sword. The female elf drew her sword too, and they circled each other on the path.

“Why don’t you strike?” A mocking voice joined them. The elf looked up, and saw a Elf-eared person. But she wasn’t an elf. She had black hair and glowing purple eyes, making her a Devilress. The elf muttered something under her breath and a blue ray shot out of her palm. It exploded and both others fell to the ground. The Devilress muttered some ineligible and they both recovered.
The snake-tongued person hissed in anger.

“I won’t strike because I need her.” He said.

The elf cursed under her breath and placed her hand on her sword.

“So, Shade, elf, here we meet again.” The Devilress sneered.

The three attacked each other ferociously, each gaining and losing ground. The elf dropped her sword and the shade advanced, but she drew an arrow aimed at his heart. The Devilress drew two boomerang made of metal with inscriptions on it. She threw them and hit the elf’s bow, causing her aim to falter. The shade dissolved into smoke and disappeared into thin air.

The elf turned on the Devilress. “I could’ve killed him! And you jolted me. What do you want?”

“I want the scroll.” She said it with ease, savouring every word.

The elf’s eyes widened with fear. The Devilress murmured some more words, but quickly the elf shouted, “Elnìa Vovelrí!” And a flash of light blinded them and the scroll disappeared just before the elf collapsed on the ground.



Edited at October 6, 2019 05:11 AM by The wilderness
Elnìa Vovelrí feel free to post October 6, 2019 10:16 AM

Former Stable
 
Posts: 0
#460109
Give Award
It’s a good start. I like your tone, but you need to slow your pacing down. Take more time to describe what’s happening and to set the scene. For example I might change the first few moments to be:


An eerie howling of a wolf broke the silence in the dark forest. Footsteps. Silent and swift, a dark shape moved in the shadows of the trees. Watching, stalking. His pace was smooth, his stride measured. A silver haired Elf came into view. She didn’t notice him, not yet. He hissed and a long tongue slid from his jaws, flickering like a serpent. He leapt from his hiding place within the trees and drew a glistening silver shortsword. It gave him away.
The sheen of his blade caught the elf’s gaze. She drew her sword too and their blades clashed as she caught it before it could slash at her exposed neck. The strange creature leapt back and the two began to circle each other on the narrow dark path.

Edited at October 6, 2019 10:17 AM by Alvarron
Elnìa Vovelrí feel free to post October 6, 2019 10:18 AM

Former Stable
 
Posts: 0
#460113
Give Award
Yeah I was rushed. :(
Elnìa Vovelrí feel free to post October 6, 2019 10:18 AM

Former Stable
 
Posts: 0
#460114
Give Award
IÂ’m on my phone so I canÂ’t do apostrophes. I would add even more detail then what I did, like describe the shade a bit more. The only distinguishing feature about him is his serpentine tongue.

I have a degree in English, so if you want or need any help just let me know! IÂ’d be glad to help.
Elnìa Vovelrí feel free to post October 6, 2019 11:18 AM

Former Stable
 
Posts: 0
#460162
Give Award
I specialise in English. I did it for GCSE and degrees.
Elnìa Vovelrí feel free to post October 6, 2019 01:38 PM

Former Stable
 
Posts: 0
#460316
Give Award
Then never mind. Haha.
Elnìa Vovelrí feel free to post October 6, 2019 01:41 PM

Former Stable
 
Posts: 0
#460317
Give Award
Ok thanks

Forums > Rider's Lounge > Writer's Nook
   1 

Refresh