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Prologue
An eerie howling of a wolf broke the silence in the dark forest. Footsteps. A swift, smooth stride he measured. A silver haired Elf came into view. She didn’t notice him, not yet. He hissed and his snake tongue slid out. He leapt from his outpost in the tree and drew his sword. The female elf drew her sword too, and they circled each other on the path.
“Why don’t you strike?” A mocking voice joined them. The elf looked up, and saw a Elf-eared person. But she wasn’t an elf. She had black hair and glowing purple eyes, making her a Devilress. The elf muttered something under her breath and a blue ray shot out of her palm. It exploded and both others fell to the ground. The Devilress muttered some ineligible and they both recovered. The snake-tongued person hissed in anger.
“I won’t strike because I need her.” He said.
The elf cursed under her breath and placed her hand on her sword.
“So, Shade, elf, here we meet again.” The Devilress sneered.
The three attacked each other ferociously, each gaining and losing ground. The elf dropped her sword and the shade advanced, but she drew an arrow aimed at his heart. The Devilress drew two boomerang made of metal with inscriptions on it. She threw them and hit the elf’s bow, causing her aim to falter. The shade dissolved into smoke and disappeared into thin air.
The elf turned on the Devilress. “I could’ve killed him! And you jolted me. What do you want?”
“I want the scroll.” She said it with ease, savouring every word.
The elf’s eyes widened with fear. The Devilress murmured some more words, but quickly the elf shouted, “Elnìa Vovelrí!” And a flash of light blinded them and the scroll disappeared just before the elf collapsed on the ground.
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It’s a good start. I like your tone, but you need to slow your pacing down. Take more time to describe what’s happening and to set the scene. For example I might change the first few moments to be:
An eerie howling of a wolf broke the silence in the dark forest. Footsteps. Silent and swift, a dark shape moved in the shadows of the trees. Watching, stalking. His pace was smooth, his stride measured. A silver haired Elf came into view. She didn’t notice him, not yet. He hissed and a long tongue slid from his jaws, flickering like a serpent. He leapt from his hiding place within the trees and drew a glistening silver shortsword. It gave him away.
The sheen of his blade caught the elf’s gaze. She drew her sword too and their blades clashed as she caught it before it could slash at her exposed neck. The strange creature leapt back and the two began to circle each other on the narrow dark path. |
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IΓβm on my phone so I canΓβt do apostrophes. I would add even more detail then what I did, like describe the shade a bit more. The only distinguishing feature about him is his serpentine tongue.
I have a degree in English, so if you want or need any help just let me know! IΓβd be glad to help. |
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I specialise in English. I did it for GCSE and degrees. |
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Evening Thunderstorms, Hail Possible
