Wild River Stables said:

CC Knabbstruppers said:

Wild River Stables said:

I have a few questions to ask. Question One: What role does Audry's family play in this story? Do they help or hinder her on her journey to become a better person? I find when writing that the family should have at least some impact in the story, which would make it more relatable. Question Two: Has she always dealt with situations in similar ways before? It would seem strange if that was the very first time it ever happened, especially if it gets overboard. Question Three: Was there something in her past that might have caused her to act in the way that she does?

I definitely want Audry's dad to play a major role in helping her start up her career and helping her get through her frustration.

I think I'll bring up some parts in the story that shows she has been through it before, but hasn't realized it was an issue until she unfairly brought her horse into it.

Maybe her mom's passing could've made it to where she bottles up her feelings? Or maybe she never knew her mom and instead her first horse's tragic passing makes it hard on her? What do you think would be more interesting? I feel like the parent passing away is a very overused cliche.

I think the parent's passing and the first horse's passing are both commonly used in equestrian books, although you can bring that into the story if you really want to. I noticed that very few, if any, of the equestrian books I've read had the death of a main character's friend. Perhaps she had a friend who also liked horses, but died in a horse related accident.

CC Knabbstruppers said:

I'd also love to ask you guys, what POV do you guys prefer to write in or prefer to read? I'm having a hard time deciding what I'd like it to be. :/

TenaciTea said:

People kind of already wrote what I was going to write but to reiterate-

Make the horse a character! It should have a personality and react to your main character, just like a real life horse. The horse's personality should grow and change in response to the main character's (maybe it was unspookable before but after being beaten it's super skittish and jumpy).

If your main character is, for example, impatient and that's why she's getting mad at the horse, you should make that clear (or at least have her impatience make an appearance of some sort) BEFORE showing her interacting with said horse. Even if it's just her having some sort of tic, like tapping her fingers on a surface while she's waiting for something.

There has to be a reason for everything. Unexplained shit happening out of nowhere is one of the things I hate most about a story. Sure, you can have a plot twist, but it has to feel like said plot twist or change was premeditated, and the reader should be able to go back through and pick out the instances leading up to the twist that in hindsight might have given it away.

I would suggest having the main character interact mostly with other humans for the first little section or intro to the story so you and the readers can kind of figure out her personality before tossing the horse into the mix. Or have her do something mundane or chore-y that displays her connection to horses without involving the horse at first (cleaning tack, bagging grain, mucking out stalls, et cetera)

Basically introduce the character slowly before bringing in all the crazy- reveal details in chunks without making it look forced ("did you have a good day at *casually name drops the barn*?"). I personally prefer to write in first or third person present tense, but my favorite books have included a combination of first person present/past and third person present/past.

I would 100% love you to send me a draft when you're done with it so I can mark it up and/or butcher it >:D

Chapter 1 - Rough

FirstLightFarms said:

This is such an excellent start! I do like how you got a country sort of voice to the whole piece- not just the way the characters look and speak, but the way you describe things still feels true and country. You've encapsulated that vibe very nicely.

I would like to see Freight described a little uglier. He's a diamond in the rough, but you're talking about his snow white socks and beautiful mane and tail. Cover him in mud and let his socks be a surprise for when Audrey bathes him. Let her fall for the sweet eye but feel sorry for the valleys between his ribs, so that you can get more of that underdog feel.

Overall, this is a great start to it! The characters and the world they live in feel very full.

CC Knabbstruppers said:

Here we are! I have my first chapter finished. I'm debating on if I'd like to make it longer.... or what other detail I'd like to add. I've left commenting priveleges on so, please, butcher it with all you guys have!

Chapter 1 - Rough

Also, thank you so much you guys! You're all such an amazing help!