Horse Eden Eventing Game
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The Undercity
03:12:05 Dory
I am going to do that as well angel just hoping it is good
Riverchase Castle
03:11:49 Piper
Undercity
She's cute. You should definitely keep her and try to breed up the ratings
Angels angels
03:10:44 [1k+ brindles] Angel
You could at least see how she trains lol
The Undercity
03:06:29 Dory
I probably will keep her in hopes of breeding her up to try and P1 in PONs
Enoki Valley
03:04:37 Enoki | Maddie
Dory
Sometimes those wilds can be super strong… and she is soo cute
The Undercity
03:03:17 Dory
Debating on keeping her just cause of the P1

-HEE Click-
Looking Glass Stable
02:59:20 IA Glass 👋
-HEE Click-

Still can't get over how pretty she is ♡
Kingsridge Horizon
02:52:27 Highness
I like that, Witchy!
Nightfall Dressage
02:49:38 Witchy
Or sweetest of dreams
Nightfall Dressage
02:48:49 Witchy
Highness
Sweetest Dreams
Kingsridge Horizon
02:42:21 Highness
Y'all, I need a good name for this pretty girl
-HEE Click-
Her parents names should be pretty easy to mix but I'm stumped!
Bioshock Manor
02:36:41 Storm
I would have lost my mind
Serenity Stables
02:35:54 Serenity / Rain
I had really bad insomnia for a while, and couldn’t fall asleep anywhere besides my own house, but I’ve been fine the past few years and can fall asleep anywhere now
Bioshock Manor
02:34:02 Storm
I still have no idea how she has so many clothes. Unless she has like a lot of kids or something
Greenheart Stables
02:19:21 Gren|Grenlin|Snek
*Siblings
Bioshock Manor
02:19:02 Storm
I do wake up when at moms though, dont want to be yelled at for being late to work lol
Greenheart Stables
02:18:31 Gren|Grenlin|Snek
@Storm
My mom worked 2 jobs so it was on me at a young age to get the sibling up, and the consequences of missing the bus and in turn school was the reason
Angels angels
02:18:14 [1k+ brindles] Angel
I was always a super hard sleeper until I hit my 20s. Now the tiniest noise, or nothing at all will wake me up
The Undercity
02:17:35 Dory
I have always been a deep sleeper even more so since I and also right next to a really busy highway
Bioshock Manor
02:14:35 Storm
I was a lighter sleeper at dad's, because it wasnt safe there

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Chatbox
The Undercity
03:12:05 Dory
I am going to do that as well angel just hoping it is good
Riverchase Castle
03:11:49 Piper
Undercity
She's cute. You should definitely keep her and try to breed up the ratings
Angels angels
03:10:44 [1k+ brindles] Angel
You could at least see how she trains lol
The Undercity
03:06:29 Dory
I probably will keep her in hopes of breeding her up to try and P1 in PONs
Enoki Valley
03:04:37 Enoki | Maddie
Dory
Sometimes those wilds can be super strong… and she is soo cute
The Undercity
03:03:17 Dory
Debating on keeping her just cause of the P1

-HEE Click-
Looking Glass Stable
02:59:20 IA Glass 👋
-HEE Click-

Still can't get over how pretty she is ♡
Kingsridge Horizon
02:52:27 Highness
I like that, Witchy!
Nightfall Dressage
02:49:38 Witchy
Or sweetest of dreams
Nightfall Dressage
02:48:49 Witchy
Highness
Sweetest Dreams
Kingsridge Horizon
02:42:21 Highness
Y'all, I need a good name for this pretty girl
-HEE Click-
Her parents names should be pretty easy to mix but I'm stumped!
Bioshock Manor
02:36:41 Storm
I would have lost my mind
Serenity Stables
02:35:54 Serenity / Rain
I had really bad insomnia for a while, and couldn’t fall asleep anywhere besides my own house, but I’ve been fine the past few years and can fall asleep anywhere now
Bioshock Manor
02:34:02 Storm
I still have no idea how she has so many clothes. Unless she has like a lot of kids or something
Greenheart Stables
02:19:21 Gren|Grenlin|Snek
*Siblings
Bioshock Manor
02:19:02 Storm
I do wake up when at moms though, dont want to be yelled at for being late to work lol
Greenheart Stables
02:18:31 Gren|Grenlin|Snek
@Storm
My mom worked 2 jobs so it was on me at a young age to get the sibling up, and the consequences of missing the bus and in turn school was the reason
Angels angels
02:18:14 [1k+ brindles] Angel
I was always a super hard sleeper until I hit my 20s. Now the tiniest noise, or nothing at all will wake me up
The Undercity
02:17:35 Dory
I have always been a deep sleeper even more so since I and also right next to a really busy highway
Bioshock Manor
02:14:35 Storm
I was a lighter sleeper at dad's, because it wasnt safe there

You must be a registered member for more
than 1 day before you can use our chatbox.






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Forums > Rider's Lounge > Writer's Nook
   1 

   Fantasy Novel - Need Feedback! - WIP April 15, 2022 07:25 PM


Rivendell Steeds
 
Posts: 1207
#980572
Give Award
Okay, so I got bored a few weeks ago, and decided to start writing a novel in my boredom. I've -technically- written a first chapter, besides this short introduction, but I honestly think I lost my imagination for it. I won't be posting that here (yet), however, here is the introduction. Let me know what you think!

I'm basically going to treat this forum as a wiki for this novel, and a place for suggestions on it. If you have any name ideas, let me know!

Pronuciation help:
Yilyviad - (Yee-Leh-vee-add)
Leolwin - (Lee-OH-L-w-ih-n)
Plyth - (Pl-eye-th)
Mythius - (M-ih-th-EE-us)
Ryenni - (R-ee-eh-nee)
Zykria - (Z-ih-cr-ee-a)
Octrey - (Awe-c-tree)


- Introduction -
The roaring winds sweep past as we go. The fearsome cries of the nearby fractures surround the cove. As the waves crash against the rough edges of the cliffs, so do the other riders. It’s just us. Us, against the swarms of the hideous beasts we call fractures. It always makes me sad to think these creatures were once leolwins.

A long time ago, we elves weren’t the only life-bringing creatures in Yilyviad, there were also leolwins. These magical beasts were giant, and beautiful. With wings like dragons, and the body of a canine, they ruled fairly over all other creatures. We lived in harmony with these creatures, but in the end, it was us who destroyed them.

Throughout history, elves were known to be fearsome warriors, and great allies, but that all changed when the plyths came along. The plyths were a form of corrupted elves that had been tortured and left for dead. Their hatred for our kind grew so much that they would cut their own ears off to not look like us. Soon enough, they sought to destroy the thing we valued above all.

On the day we call “The Accident to Change it All”, my youngest brother Mythius let in a plyth child. She told him her name was Ryenni, and that her ears had been injured in an encounter with a griffin. He led her directly to the heart of Zykria, looking to get her into a temporary home. It was then when she made her move. Using a concealed staff, she knocked out Mythius, and set a beacon for the plyth warriors to teleport to.

One by one, the leolwins were infected by the spells used on them, and all but a few were turned into ravengeous monsters. Many surviving leolwins fled to the upper regions of Octrey, to live in hiding. The rest coincide with us elves, helping fight against the plyths. Some are used as mounts in battles, others as decoys.

Extra Info:
Setting - This story takes place in 3026, in the far future. Humanity resorted to war, and ended up destroying most of Earth in WWIV. The elves stayed in hiding throughout the reign of the humans, but emerged to end the destruction and violence they caused. Most of humanity has died off, and all that remains of the humans are the half-elves; the result of the cross-breeding of humans and elves. Since the elves came into power in 2079, all magical creatures were able to return to thrive on Earth.

Inspirations - Lord of the Rings, Harry Potter, The Unwanteds, Nier: Automata, and many, many more fantasy/equine novels.

Things to Note - This is a WIP. Not the finished, or even halfway done product. Also, this isn't a fanfic. Ideas may have aspects that other novels share, like magic, mythical beasts, etc. but no main ideas are ripped off/stolen.

What do you think I should add to this novel? Should I continue writing it? Feedback is well appreciated!

Edited at April 15, 2022 07:30 PM by Rivendell Steeds
Fantasy Novel - Need Feedback! - WIP April 15, 2022 09:26 PM


FirstLightFarms

Trivia Team
 
Posts: 3982
#980598
Give Award
Very cool concept! I'd be intrigued in where you go with it :)

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