Horse Eden Eventing Game
Horse Eden Eventing Game


Year: 198   Season: Winter   
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Glacier Bay Cove
09:02:20 Glacier Kittens
-HEE Click-
Glacier Bay Cove
08:59:25 Glacier Kittens
Stealing that, Ally
Glacier Bay Cove
08:58:38 Glacier Kittens
Yeah, I slapped some random names on them
MakeEm Fancy
08:58:36 Ally 💜
Night! Sleep well
Gemstone Stable
08:58:14 Snow❆Gem
@ally

;P
Gemstone Stable
08:58:09 Snow❆Gem
I have to go to bed now.

Have a good night everyone! XD
MakeEm Fancy
08:57:57 Ally 💜
I didnt notice that lol
Gemstone Stable
08:57:16 Snow❆Gem
@ally

And from a EWW stud. :D
Gemstone Stable
08:56:40 Snow❆Gem
@bay

Oh my! OK! XD Wait what? LMAO
MakeEm Fancy
08:55:46 Ally 💜
This girl apparently produced a EWE
-HEE Click-
Glacier Bay Cove
08:55:41 Glacier Kittens
Vocal Dyslexia
Glacier Bay Cove
08:55:01 Glacier Kittens
Names like Fibromyalgia Brain Fog
Glacier Bay Cove
08:53:38 Glacier Kittens
Gem, some of my horse names make me roll on the floor, laughing
Morning Glory Farms
08:53:15 Terici/Dino/Trish
-HEE Click- Youre so shiny what a shame youre going to be yeeted
Gemstone Stable
08:52:50 Snow❆Gem
-YT Click-

Oh man. Imagine sitting at a long red light and playing this loudly in summer? *rolls on the floor laughing*
Enchanted Nights
08:52:16 Skvll_
Ohhh, thank you <3
Glacier Bay Cove
08:51:59 Glacier Kittens
Roll over is the beginning of each new game month
Glacier Bay Cove
08:51:26 Glacier Kittens
I can’t wait for you lousy pony, and Amnesia Approved to grow up
Enchanted Nights
08:50:00 Skvll_
What is RO?
MakeEm Fancy
08:48:45 Ally 💜
I think after RO Im going to do a mass cull on everything.

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Glacier Bay Cove
09:02:20 Glacier Kittens
-HEE Click-
Glacier Bay Cove
08:59:25 Glacier Kittens
Stealing that, Ally
Glacier Bay Cove
08:58:38 Glacier Kittens
Yeah, I slapped some random names on them
MakeEm Fancy
08:58:36 Ally 💜
Night! Sleep well
Gemstone Stable
08:58:14 Snow❆Gem
@ally

;P
Gemstone Stable
08:58:09 Snow❆Gem
I have to go to bed now.

Have a good night everyone! XD
MakeEm Fancy
08:57:57 Ally 💜
I didnt notice that lol
Gemstone Stable
08:57:16 Snow❆Gem
@ally

And from a EWW stud. :D
Gemstone Stable
08:56:40 Snow❆Gem
@bay

Oh my! OK! XD Wait what? LMAO
MakeEm Fancy
08:55:46 Ally 💜
This girl apparently produced a EWE
-HEE Click-
Glacier Bay Cove
08:55:41 Glacier Kittens
Vocal Dyslexia
Glacier Bay Cove
08:55:01 Glacier Kittens
Names like Fibromyalgia Brain Fog
Glacier Bay Cove
08:53:38 Glacier Kittens
Gem, some of my horse names make me roll on the floor, laughing
Morning Glory Farms
08:53:15 Terici/Dino/Trish
-HEE Click- Youre so shiny what a shame youre going to be yeeted
Gemstone Stable
08:52:50 Snow❆Gem
-YT Click-

Oh man. Imagine sitting at a long red light and playing this loudly in summer? *rolls on the floor laughing*
Enchanted Nights
08:52:16 Skvll_
Ohhh, thank you <3
Glacier Bay Cove
08:51:59 Glacier Kittens
Roll over is the beginning of each new game month
Glacier Bay Cove
08:51:26 Glacier Kittens
I can’t wait for you lousy pony, and Amnesia Approved to grow up
Enchanted Nights
08:50:00 Skvll_
What is RO?
MakeEm Fancy
08:48:45 Ally 💜
I think after RO Im going to do a mass cull on everything.

You must be a registered member for more
than 1 day before you can use our chatbox.






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Forums > Rider's Lounge > Writer's Nook
   1 

Im writing a story (Most likely trash) December 19, 2020 08:38 PM

Former Stable
 
Posts: 0
#826002
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This story is about a 12-year-old human-animal hybrid (called an Animorphi) named Auburn, her roommates, and an evil force planning to destroy the human population and let the Animorph rise to greatness. Here's the document, for those who wish to read:
(I changed the settings, it should work)
Any ideas? Comments? Constructive criticism?
PLEASE don't edit the document, leave comments instead!
Im writing a story (Most likely trash) December 20, 2020 02:34 PM

Former Stable
 
Posts: 0
#826305
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hi! i didn't read it all through yet, but I definitely have some tips for you c:

-try not to infodump, especially at the beginning of the story. this can definitely deter readers and makes establishing a clear voice difficult. reveal things the POV character knows over time, or more subtly to make it feel more natural, especially when writing in first person.

-try to write numbers and such out in words, this makes the flow seem much less choppy. when listing things that the character is thinking about try to go train of thought and not do a)this and b) this. It doesn't flow very nicely

-with dialogue, especially when it's going fast-paced, you don't need to tag every line if it is clear who's talking! (ex. "woah," she said) it can slow things down and make the dialogue unrealistic.

that's all I have after kinda skimming the first few pages. You're doing a good job! Creating a consistent writing style just takes time! You'll get there eventually, keep it up <3
Im writing a story (Most likely trash) December 20, 2020 02:37 PM

Former Stable
 
Posts: 0
#826307
Give Award

High Altitude Horses said:
hi! i didn't read it all through yet, but I definitely have some tips for you c:

-try not to infodump, especially at the beginning of the story. this can definitely deter readers and makes establishing a clear voice difficult. reveal things the POV character knows over time, or more subtly to make it feel more natural, especially when writing in first person.

-try to write numbers and such out in words, this makes the flow seem much less choppy. when listing things that the character is thinking about try to go train of thought and not do a)this and b) this. It doesn't flow very nicely

-with dialogue, especially when it's going fast-paced, you don't need to tag every line if it is clear who's talking! (ex. "woah," she said) it can slow things down and make the dialogue unrealistic.

that's all I have after kinda skimming the first few pages. You're doing a good job! Creating a consistent writing style just takes time! You'll get there eventually, keep it up <3


Thank you! I've been going through and deleting all the unnecessary information

Edited at December 20, 2020 02:38 PM by SweetFire Fields

Forums > Rider's Lounge > Writer's Nook
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