Horse Eden Eventing Game
Horse Eden Eventing Game


Year: 200   Season: Winter   
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Pegasus Lane
06:03:10 Peggy (or) Peg
Ohhhh what kind of car, Dimmy?
TheGreatestShowhorse
06:02:55 Valegro
lass
at least there's E?
🤷
Nightfall Dressage
06:02:13 Witchy
Heaven
If you need to get rid of horses free range is good for that
Shamrock Equines
05:59:00 Crowley
Oh, look this is MAIN CHAT.
Bioshock Manor
05:55:44 Storm
Oh Lord 😂
Heaven Acres
05:53:15 
Giving FREE HORSES all that have a sale sign are for free I need the space
Glacier Bay Cove
05:49:40 Glacier Kittens
Hey friend Myth
Dimmed
05:49:10 Dimmy
Ahhh finally getting a new car tomorrow 😭😭 insurance sucks to deal with
lass
05:43:40 Captain America
-HEE Click-
Dang it lol
I love the color but not the rating
Gemstone Stable
05:06:21 Snow❆Gem
That reminds me, I need to dust my room soon...
Mythological
05:04:31 RIP-Tim:2016-26
Fun...
Greenheart Stables
05:04:05 Gren|Grenlin|Snek
@myth
Tired, been cleaning
Mythological
05:00:14 RIP-Tim:2016-26
How are you?
Greenheart Stables
04:54:32 Gren|Grenlin|Snek
Hii myth
Mythological
04:51:36 RIP-Tim:2016-26
Hey Green
Greenheart Stables
04:50:08 Gren|Grenlin|Snek
I am friends
Mythological
04:47:23 RIP-Tim:2016-26
I normally give wild SDs I'm not going to use to friends that will use them.
Santana Rising
04:39:23 San
I don't do SD though :(
Wisteria Run Farm
04:39:02 Solar/Ria
nice SD catch, though!
Nightingales Ridge
04:38:44 𔓘 Issy
Oh dear San lol

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Chatbox
Pegasus Lane
06:03:10 Peggy (or) Peg
Ohhhh what kind of car, Dimmy?
TheGreatestShowhorse
06:02:55 Valegro
lass
at least there's E?
🤷
Nightfall Dressage
06:02:13 Witchy
Heaven
If you need to get rid of horses free range is good for that
Shamrock Equines
05:59:00 Crowley
Oh, look this is MAIN CHAT.
Bioshock Manor
05:55:44 Storm
Oh Lord 😂
Heaven Acres
05:53:15 
Giving FREE HORSES all that have a sale sign are for free I need the space
Glacier Bay Cove
05:49:40 Glacier Kittens
Hey friend Myth
Dimmed
05:49:10 Dimmy
Ahhh finally getting a new car tomorrow 😭😭 insurance sucks to deal with
lass
05:43:40 Captain America
-HEE Click-
Dang it lol
I love the color but not the rating
Gemstone Stable
05:06:21 Snow❆Gem
That reminds me, I need to dust my room soon...
Mythological
05:04:31 RIP-Tim:2016-26
Fun...
Greenheart Stables
05:04:05 Gren|Grenlin|Snek
@myth
Tired, been cleaning
Mythological
05:00:14 RIP-Tim:2016-26
How are you?
Greenheart Stables
04:54:32 Gren|Grenlin|Snek
Hii myth
Mythological
04:51:36 RIP-Tim:2016-26
Hey Green
Greenheart Stables
04:50:08 Gren|Grenlin|Snek
I am friends
Mythological
04:47:23 RIP-Tim:2016-26
I normally give wild SDs I'm not going to use to friends that will use them.
Santana Rising
04:39:23 San
I don't do SD though :(
Wisteria Run Farm
04:39:02 Solar/Ria
nice SD catch, though!
Nightingales Ridge
04:38:44 𔓘 Issy
Oh dear San lol

You must be a registered member for more
than 1 day before you can use our chatbox.






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Forums > Rider's Lounge > Writer's Nook
   1 

Im writing a story (Most likely trash) December 19, 2020 08:38 PM

Former Stable
 
Posts: 0
#826002
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This story is about a 12-year-old human-animal hybrid (called an Animorphi) named Auburn, her roommates, and an evil force planning to destroy the human population and let the Animorph rise to greatness. Here's the document, for those who wish to read:
(I changed the settings, it should work)
Any ideas? Comments? Constructive criticism?
PLEASE don't edit the document, leave comments instead!
Im writing a story (Most likely trash) December 20, 2020 02:34 PM

Former Stable
 
Posts: 0
#826305
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hi! i didn't read it all through yet, but I definitely have some tips for you c:

-try not to infodump, especially at the beginning of the story. this can definitely deter readers and makes establishing a clear voice difficult. reveal things the POV character knows over time, or more subtly to make it feel more natural, especially when writing in first person.

-try to write numbers and such out in words, this makes the flow seem much less choppy. when listing things that the character is thinking about try to go train of thought and not do a)this and b) this. It doesn't flow very nicely

-with dialogue, especially when it's going fast-paced, you don't need to tag every line if it is clear who's talking! (ex. "woah," she said) it can slow things down and make the dialogue unrealistic.

that's all I have after kinda skimming the first few pages. You're doing a good job! Creating a consistent writing style just takes time! You'll get there eventually, keep it up <3
Im writing a story (Most likely trash) December 20, 2020 02:37 PM

Former Stable
 
Posts: 0
#826307
Give Award

High Altitude Horses said:
hi! i didn't read it all through yet, but I definitely have some tips for you c:

-try not to infodump, especially at the beginning of the story. this can definitely deter readers and makes establishing a clear voice difficult. reveal things the POV character knows over time, or more subtly to make it feel more natural, especially when writing in first person.

-try to write numbers and such out in words, this makes the flow seem much less choppy. when listing things that the character is thinking about try to go train of thought and not do a)this and b) this. It doesn't flow very nicely

-with dialogue, especially when it's going fast-paced, you don't need to tag every line if it is clear who's talking! (ex. "woah," she said) it can slow things down and make the dialogue unrealistic.

that's all I have after kinda skimming the first few pages. You're doing a good job! Creating a consistent writing style just takes time! You'll get there eventually, keep it up <3


Thank you! I've been going through and deleting all the unnecessary information

Edited at December 20, 2020 02:38 PM by SweetFire Fields

Forums > Rider's Lounge > Writer's Nook
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