Horse Eden Eventing Game
Horse Eden Eventing Game


Year: 198   Season: Winter   
$: 0
Forecast: Sunny
Forecast:
Sat 12:53pm  
Stables Online:  143 
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Breadcrumbs
12:53:00 
I'd guess Sunny would be interested in it, Manduh
Angels angels
12:52:41 [1k+ brindles] Angel
Must be your palette
Fox Haven Farm
12:52:28 Manduh
talk about a throwback
Angels angels
12:52:22 [1k+ brindles] Angel
Its because the font doesn't fit right on the page on yours. They are shifted over. Thats why sunday is under the rest
Bioshock Manor
12:52:20 Storm
Well that is weird
Bioshock Manor
12:51:57 Storm
Around 5 inches or more of snow right now at my mom's XD wish I was down home, but my home isn't repaired yet and is also down the road from me here lol.
Midnight Manor
12:51:43 Bunny ♡
Storm
-Click-
Screenshot
Fox Haven Farm
12:51:33 Manduh
What should I do with my Tachi straw? -HEE Click-
Angels angels
12:50:58 [1k+ brindles] Angel
Mine says Saturday lol
Bioshock Manor
12:50:20 Storm
The week is just odd on the calender
Bioshock Manor
12:50:03 Storm
No it doesn't?
Midnight Manor
12:49:30 Bunny ♡
Oh the calender is off
Its Saturday and it says its friday
Breadcrumbs
12:49:22 
Don't worry, i am drowning in embryos and I'm happy if they get used xD
Barclay Downs
12:49:01 Amanduh Incognito
Hello hello errybody! <3
Barclay Downs
12:48:35 Amanduh Incognito
Ohh that was very generous of you Tosk <3
Calela Eventing
12:48:24 Cali
You're a celebrity Manduh xD
Bioshock Manor
12:47:45 Storm
Hey Manduh is back
Angels angels
12:47:30 [1k+ brindles] Angel
Alright now I just need FR fodder..
Icewar Isles
12:47:07 Ice/ Keo/ Tiny
I don't have quite as good mares as Tosk but I've also got options if you need
Breadcrumbs
12:47:01 
Ah, second, ima send you something ^^

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Breadcrumbs
12:53:00 
I'd guess Sunny would be interested in it, Manduh
Angels angels
12:52:41 [1k+ brindles] Angel
Must be your palette
Fox Haven Farm
12:52:28 Manduh
talk about a throwback
Angels angels
12:52:22 [1k+ brindles] Angel
Its because the font doesn't fit right on the page on yours. They are shifted over. Thats why sunday is under the rest
Bioshock Manor
12:52:20 Storm
Well that is weird
Bioshock Manor
12:51:57 Storm
Around 5 inches or more of snow right now at my mom's XD wish I was down home, but my home isn't repaired yet and is also down the road from me here lol.
Midnight Manor
12:51:43 Bunny ♡
Storm
-Click-
Screenshot
Fox Haven Farm
12:51:33 Manduh
What should I do with my Tachi straw? -HEE Click-
Angels angels
12:50:58 [1k+ brindles] Angel
Mine says Saturday lol
Bioshock Manor
12:50:20 Storm
The week is just odd on the calender
Bioshock Manor
12:50:03 Storm
No it doesn't?
Midnight Manor
12:49:30 Bunny ♡
Oh the calender is off
Its Saturday and it says its friday
Breadcrumbs
12:49:22 
Don't worry, i am drowning in embryos and I'm happy if they get used xD
Barclay Downs
12:49:01 Amanduh Incognito
Hello hello errybody! <3
Barclay Downs
12:48:35 Amanduh Incognito
Ohh that was very generous of you Tosk <3
Calela Eventing
12:48:24 Cali
You're a celebrity Manduh xD
Bioshock Manor
12:47:45 Storm
Hey Manduh is back
Angels angels
12:47:30 [1k+ brindles] Angel
Alright now I just need FR fodder..
Icewar Isles
12:47:07 Ice/ Keo/ Tiny
I don't have quite as good mares as Tosk but I've also got options if you need
Breadcrumbs
12:47:01 
Ah, second, ima send you something ^^

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than 1 day before you can use our chatbox.






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Forums > Rider's Lounge > Writer's Nook
   1 

Im writing a story (Most likely trash) December 19, 2020 08:38 PM

Former Stable
 
Posts: 0
#826002
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This story is about a 12-year-old human-animal hybrid (called an Animorphi) named Auburn, her roommates, and an evil force planning to destroy the human population and let the Animorph rise to greatness. Here's the document, for those who wish to read:
(I changed the settings, it should work)
Any ideas? Comments? Constructive criticism?
PLEASE don't edit the document, leave comments instead!
Im writing a story (Most likely trash) December 20, 2020 02:34 PM

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Posts: 0
#826305
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hi! i didn't read it all through yet, but I definitely have some tips for you c:

-try not to infodump, especially at the beginning of the story. this can definitely deter readers and makes establishing a clear voice difficult. reveal things the POV character knows over time, or more subtly to make it feel more natural, especially when writing in first person.

-try to write numbers and such out in words, this makes the flow seem much less choppy. when listing things that the character is thinking about try to go train of thought and not do a)this and b) this. It doesn't flow very nicely

-with dialogue, especially when it's going fast-paced, you don't need to tag every line if it is clear who's talking! (ex. "woah," she said) it can slow things down and make the dialogue unrealistic.

that's all I have after kinda skimming the first few pages. You're doing a good job! Creating a consistent writing style just takes time! You'll get there eventually, keep it up <3
Im writing a story (Most likely trash) December 20, 2020 02:37 PM

Former Stable
 
Posts: 0
#826307
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High Altitude Horses said:
hi! i didn't read it all through yet, but I definitely have some tips for you c:

-try not to infodump, especially at the beginning of the story. this can definitely deter readers and makes establishing a clear voice difficult. reveal things the POV character knows over time, or more subtly to make it feel more natural, especially when writing in first person.

-try to write numbers and such out in words, this makes the flow seem much less choppy. when listing things that the character is thinking about try to go train of thought and not do a)this and b) this. It doesn't flow very nicely

-with dialogue, especially when it's going fast-paced, you don't need to tag every line if it is clear who's talking! (ex. "woah," she said) it can slow things down and make the dialogue unrealistic.

that's all I have after kinda skimming the first few pages. You're doing a good job! Creating a consistent writing style just takes time! You'll get there eventually, keep it up <3


Thank you! I've been going through and deleting all the unnecessary information

Edited at December 20, 2020 02:38 PM by SweetFire Fields

Forums > Rider's Lounge > Writer's Nook
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