Horse Eden Eventing Game
Horse Eden Eventing Game


Year: 198   Season: Winter   
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Pink Fox Stables
04:39:49 
-HEE Click- I'll take it!
Ravenwood Farm
04:38:22 Raven
That stuff is fixed now? If my mare dies, her embryos will still be usable?
Legacy Leagues
04:36:33 Alyssa ♡
Ok, thank God.
I was just wanting to make sure because I rather not go through that again lol
Bug in a Rug
04:35:36 Bug | Flea | KPH
if she has outstanding embryos, i believe eve changed it so she wont be deleted. like studs with straws
Legacy Leagues
04:34:50 Alyssa ♡
If a deceased mare isn't added into a memorial, that isn't your mare- will the embryo be defective if theyre deleted from the game as well?
Angels angels
04:33:28 [1k+ brindles] Angel
Exactly Maco
KPH Equestrian
04:32:47 Rapcoon | Jester
angel
i would think so, for balance, but ive not put much thought into it lol
Maco Stables
04:32:21 Maco
And you would also be able to use a crutch
Maco Stables
04:30:50 Maco
@Angel
Totally agree
Angels angels
04:27:53 [1k+ brindles] Angel
Shower thought
If you had to lose one arm and one leg, it would be better if it was on different sides than the same side, right?
Ranch Lands Training
04:19:57 Lilly/PON Addict
Red - One but it didn't happen in front of it
The Red Herring
04:08:26 Red
Y'all dont have cameras?
The Old Gods
04:07:32 Void Malign
I'm tired of working overtime :|
Ranch Lands Training
04:05:26 Lilly/PON Addict
Alyssa - Just a hunch. She could argue that I was rude to her or something and she never pushed me
CrimsonValleyEstate
04:04:51 Crimson
The world is full of overgrown toddlers it seems xD
Legacy Leagues
04:04:29 Alyssa ♡
Why would you get in trouble for that?
Ranch Lands Training
04:04:11 Lilly/PON Addict
Bingo Crimson

How this girl got as far in life as she has is shocking. I held her accountable for a mistake at work. Her solution was shoving, crying, and slamming doors
CrimsonValleyEstate
04:02:55 Crimson
A most likely lol
Ranch Lands Training
04:02:30 Lilly/PON Addict
Just got shoved at work by a co-worker. Do we think A) nothing will happen and everyone pretends it never happened B) Co-worker gets in trouble or C) I get in my trouble?
Glacier Bay Cove
04:00:31 Glacier Kittens
Lily loves jumpscaring me

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Pink Fox Stables
04:39:49 
-HEE Click- I'll take it!
Ravenwood Farm
04:38:22 Raven
That stuff is fixed now? If my mare dies, her embryos will still be usable?
Legacy Leagues
04:36:33 Alyssa ♡
Ok, thank God.
I was just wanting to make sure because I rather not go through that again lol
Bug in a Rug
04:35:36 Bug | Flea | KPH
if she has outstanding embryos, i believe eve changed it so she wont be deleted. like studs with straws
Legacy Leagues
04:34:50 Alyssa ♡
If a deceased mare isn't added into a memorial, that isn't your mare- will the embryo be defective if theyre deleted from the game as well?
Angels angels
04:33:28 [1k+ brindles] Angel
Exactly Maco
KPH Equestrian
04:32:47 Rapcoon | Jester
angel
i would think so, for balance, but ive not put much thought into it lol
Maco Stables
04:32:21 Maco
And you would also be able to use a crutch
Maco Stables
04:30:50 Maco
@Angel
Totally agree
Angels angels
04:27:53 [1k+ brindles] Angel
Shower thought
If you had to lose one arm and one leg, it would be better if it was on different sides than the same side, right?
Ranch Lands Training
04:19:57 Lilly/PON Addict
Red - One but it didn't happen in front of it
The Red Herring
04:08:26 Red
Y'all dont have cameras?
The Old Gods
04:07:32 Void Malign
I'm tired of working overtime :|
Ranch Lands Training
04:05:26 Lilly/PON Addict
Alyssa - Just a hunch. She could argue that I was rude to her or something and she never pushed me
CrimsonValleyEstate
04:04:51 Crimson
The world is full of overgrown toddlers it seems xD
Legacy Leagues
04:04:29 Alyssa ♡
Why would you get in trouble for that?
Ranch Lands Training
04:04:11 Lilly/PON Addict
Bingo Crimson

How this girl got as far in life as she has is shocking. I held her accountable for a mistake at work. Her solution was shoving, crying, and slamming doors
CrimsonValleyEstate
04:02:55 Crimson
A most likely lol
Ranch Lands Training
04:02:30 Lilly/PON Addict
Just got shoved at work by a co-worker. Do we think A) nothing will happen and everyone pretends it never happened B) Co-worker gets in trouble or C) I get in my trouble?
Glacier Bay Cove
04:00:31 Glacier Kittens
Lily loves jumpscaring me

You must be a registered member for more
than 1 day before you can use our chatbox.






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Forums > Rider's Lounge > Writer's Nook
   1 

Im writing a story (Most likely trash) December 19, 2020 08:38 PM

Former Stable
 
Posts: 0
#826002
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This story is about a 12-year-old human-animal hybrid (called an Animorphi) named Auburn, her roommates, and an evil force planning to destroy the human population and let the Animorph rise to greatness. Here's the document, for those who wish to read:
(I changed the settings, it should work)
Any ideas? Comments? Constructive criticism?
PLEASE don't edit the document, leave comments instead!
Im writing a story (Most likely trash) December 20, 2020 02:34 PM

Former Stable
 
Posts: 0
#826305
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hi! i didn't read it all through yet, but I definitely have some tips for you c:

-try not to infodump, especially at the beginning of the story. this can definitely deter readers and makes establishing a clear voice difficult. reveal things the POV character knows over time, or more subtly to make it feel more natural, especially when writing in first person.

-try to write numbers and such out in words, this makes the flow seem much less choppy. when listing things that the character is thinking about try to go train of thought and not do a)this and b) this. It doesn't flow very nicely

-with dialogue, especially when it's going fast-paced, you don't need to tag every line if it is clear who's talking! (ex. "woah," she said) it can slow things down and make the dialogue unrealistic.

that's all I have after kinda skimming the first few pages. You're doing a good job! Creating a consistent writing style just takes time! You'll get there eventually, keep it up <3
Im writing a story (Most likely trash) December 20, 2020 02:37 PM

Former Stable
 
Posts: 0
#826307
Give Award

High Altitude Horses said:
hi! i didn't read it all through yet, but I definitely have some tips for you c:

-try not to infodump, especially at the beginning of the story. this can definitely deter readers and makes establishing a clear voice difficult. reveal things the POV character knows over time, or more subtly to make it feel more natural, especially when writing in first person.

-try to write numbers and such out in words, this makes the flow seem much less choppy. when listing things that the character is thinking about try to go train of thought and not do a)this and b) this. It doesn't flow very nicely

-with dialogue, especially when it's going fast-paced, you don't need to tag every line if it is clear who's talking! (ex. "woah," she said) it can slow things down and make the dialogue unrealistic.

that's all I have after kinda skimming the first few pages. You're doing a good job! Creating a consistent writing style just takes time! You'll get there eventually, keep it up <3


Thank you! I've been going through and deleting all the unnecessary information

Edited at December 20, 2020 02:38 PM by SweetFire Fields

Forums > Rider's Lounge > Writer's Nook
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