Horse Eden Eventing Game
Horse Eden Eventing Game


Year: 197   Season: Summer   
$: 0
Forecast: Heavy Downpours, Flood Warning
Forecast:
Sat 12:16pm  
Stables Online:  106 
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River
12:15:50 ♡ River
I'm so proud of the mane and tail, finally found some good brushes
River
12:15:19 ♡ River
One month later... -Click-
Sunni
12:12:46 Sunni bunny
Hi Stella!
Caramel
12:06:29 Keijo Or Lake
-HEE Click-
My babys #25 on the LB T-T
Nirvany
11:58:35 Ari
Yep <3
BlackRose
11:57:45 Stella
I’m good thank you!
Nirvany
11:56:04 Ari
Im good how about you? <3
BlackRose
11:55:22 Stella
Hello! :) how are you?
Nirvany
11:55:09 Ari
Heya Stella!
BlackRose
11:54:34 Stella
Hello 👋🏻
Sunni
11:50:48 Sunni bunny
Storm haven't been able to, just that sick.
I actually feel like eating, hoping I can get down some potatoes soup.
Sunni
11:50:07 Sunni bunny
Thank you AL, I feel a lot better.
I been able to eat today, and I am drinking water now.
Just finished my Ginger ale they gave me at the hospital.
Gonna be having my bladder scope again.
XD they better actually give me pain relief this time.
They did it once when I was 10.
Bioshock Manor
11:48:49 Storm
Dehydration is sometimes worse in winter. Definitely drink enough fluids.
Arctic Dusk
11:45:29 AL - Hateful RIDs
Its super important to get enough fluids, hope you get well from whatever nonsense your body is doing soon
Sunni
11:39:11 Sunni bunny
Thank you cove, I feel so much better after leaving the hospital this morning.
They had to pump me with 2 iv bags.
A big one and a small one.
Even gave me better meds that actually helping me eat.
Trying to still take it slow eating so my body doesn't freak out XD.
he did say if it happens again, I might be staying in the hospital.
Because no one knows why am staying dehydrated.
He kind of scared me because he put up 3 fingers and said 3 days no water dead.
Glacier Bay Cove
11:37:24 Glacier Kittens
Good luck, Sunni
Sunni
11:35:22 Sunni bunny
I've been able to eat Gram crackers <3
Wish me luck I might make potato soup later.
Executive Stables
11:34:52 Executive/Lyssa
Had our family Christmas today, my brother in law gave me the two peanuts collection books of 1967-1970 I love the peanuts books and hope to have the whole collection one day of them and garfield
Tenebris Hollow
11:31:26 Aris/Quinn
Can't wait to see the result katz!
Glacier Bay Cove
11:30:17 Glacier Kittens
Wish me luck, I am about to attempt some very challenging art work

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Horse Eden Eventing Game
Chatbox
River
12:15:50 ♡ River
I'm so proud of the mane and tail, finally found some good brushes
River
12:15:19 ♡ River
One month later... -Click-
Sunni
12:12:46 Sunni bunny
Hi Stella!
Caramel
12:06:29 Keijo Or Lake
-HEE Click-
My babys #25 on the LB T-T
Nirvany
11:58:35 Ari
Yep <3
BlackRose
11:57:45 Stella
I’m good thank you!
Nirvany
11:56:04 Ari
Im good how about you? <3
BlackRose
11:55:22 Stella
Hello! :) how are you?
Nirvany
11:55:09 Ari
Heya Stella!
BlackRose
11:54:34 Stella
Hello 👋🏻
Sunni
11:50:48 Sunni bunny
Storm haven't been able to, just that sick.
I actually feel like eating, hoping I can get down some potatoes soup.
Sunni
11:50:07 Sunni bunny
Thank you AL, I feel a lot better.
I been able to eat today, and I am drinking water now.
Just finished my Ginger ale they gave me at the hospital.
Gonna be having my bladder scope again.
XD they better actually give me pain relief this time.
They did it once when I was 10.
Bioshock Manor
11:48:49 Storm
Dehydration is sometimes worse in winter. Definitely drink enough fluids.
Arctic Dusk
11:45:29 AL - Hateful RIDs
Its super important to get enough fluids, hope you get well from whatever nonsense your body is doing soon
Sunni
11:39:11 Sunni bunny
Thank you cove, I feel so much better after leaving the hospital this morning.
They had to pump me with 2 iv bags.
A big one and a small one.
Even gave me better meds that actually helping me eat.
Trying to still take it slow eating so my body doesn't freak out XD.
he did say if it happens again, I might be staying in the hospital.
Because no one knows why am staying dehydrated.
He kind of scared me because he put up 3 fingers and said 3 days no water dead.
Glacier Bay Cove
11:37:24 Glacier Kittens
Good luck, Sunni
Sunni
11:35:22 Sunni bunny
I've been able to eat Gram crackers <3
Wish me luck I might make potato soup later.
Executive Stables
11:34:52 Executive/Lyssa
Had our family Christmas today, my brother in law gave me the two peanuts collection books of 1967-1970 I love the peanuts books and hope to have the whole collection one day of them and garfield
Tenebris Hollow
11:31:26 Aris/Quinn
Can't wait to see the result katz!
Glacier Bay Cove
11:30:17 Glacier Kittens
Wish me luck, I am about to attempt some very challenging art work

You must be a registered member for more
than 1 day before you can use our chatbox.






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Forums > Rider's Lounge > Writer's Nook
   1 

Im writing a story (Most likely trash) December 19, 2020 08:38 PM

Former Stable
 
Posts: 0
#826002
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This story is about a 12-year-old human-animal hybrid (called an Animorphi) named Auburn, her roommates, and an evil force planning to destroy the human population and let the Animorph rise to greatness. Here's the document, for those who wish to read:
(I changed the settings, it should work)
Any ideas? Comments? Constructive criticism?
PLEASE don't edit the document, leave comments instead!
Im writing a story (Most likely trash) December 20, 2020 02:34 PM

Former Stable
 
Posts: 0
#826305
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hi! i didn't read it all through yet, but I definitely have some tips for you c:

-try not to infodump, especially at the beginning of the story. this can definitely deter readers and makes establishing a clear voice difficult. reveal things the POV character knows over time, or more subtly to make it feel more natural, especially when writing in first person.

-try to write numbers and such out in words, this makes the flow seem much less choppy. when listing things that the character is thinking about try to go train of thought and not do a)this and b) this. It doesn't flow very nicely

-with dialogue, especially when it's going fast-paced, you don't need to tag every line if it is clear who's talking! (ex. "woah," she said) it can slow things down and make the dialogue unrealistic.

that's all I have after kinda skimming the first few pages. You're doing a good job! Creating a consistent writing style just takes time! You'll get there eventually, keep it up <3
Im writing a story (Most likely trash) December 20, 2020 02:37 PM

Former Stable
 
Posts: 0
#826307
Give Award

High Altitude Horses said:
hi! i didn't read it all through yet, but I definitely have some tips for you c:

-try not to infodump, especially at the beginning of the story. this can definitely deter readers and makes establishing a clear voice difficult. reveal things the POV character knows over time, or more subtly to make it feel more natural, especially when writing in first person.

-try to write numbers and such out in words, this makes the flow seem much less choppy. when listing things that the character is thinking about try to go train of thought and not do a)this and b) this. It doesn't flow very nicely

-with dialogue, especially when it's going fast-paced, you don't need to tag every line if it is clear who's talking! (ex. "woah," she said) it can slow things down and make the dialogue unrealistic.

that's all I have after kinda skimming the first few pages. You're doing a good job! Creating a consistent writing style just takes time! You'll get there eventually, keep it up <3


Thank you! I've been going through and deleting all the unnecessary information

Edited at December 20, 2020 02:38 PM by SweetFire Fields

Forums > Rider's Lounge > Writer's Nook
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