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Bluebell Stables

01:37:44 Sweet Valley Side Ac

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WWE mare, 50k, PM me with offers

Ghostly Model Horses

01:28:53 Skyrim

I'm selling a 3 month upgrade for 180k. Pm me.

Majestic Sanctuary

01:15:03 Cal/Majestic

Auction for AA/TB rates up to EEE until Thanksgiving.! Get your bids in so you don’t forget when everyone is feasting.

Disney Acres

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PWW buttermilk TB mare 35k obo
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01:01:43 Wicked Panda

ISO 50-100 stall barn
Ebs ready Please PM Me if You're willing to buy Me one in exchange for ebs

Bamboozled Ranch

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Looking for EEE+ X or TB mares strong in int and scp. Please PM me!

Connally Stud

12:50:30 Senda

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The Lazy Ninja

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Forums > Rider's Lounge > Writer's Nook

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I'm Writing a Thing

December 18, 2020 04:39 PM

TenaciTea

Posts: 1929
#825382
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Pandora Creek said:

If the other workers are acting like this is normal and she's surprised maybe make this her first week on the job? Also if there's an elevator but no warning not to take it maybe taking the elevator is a test for people? Also how does the murderer leave if the body slumps right as it opens on the third floor?

Some of your word choices made me have to reread the sentence but it's pretty good. "too-late paramedics" feels particularly clumsy in the sentence.

The idea is that she's kind of isolated from what's going on (doesn't really pay much attention to the news, etc) and the behavior that's been spreading has been kind of normalized violence, justified by "laziness". She's not aware of it. I haven't figured out much of her backstory yet, but the fact that using elevators is generally frowned on (and in her place of work, responsible resource use is especially important) might contribute to why she hasn't witnessed this before.

And I never said which floor the elevator started from xD

Yep! This is only a first draft, I'll look into changing that sentence.

Forums > Rider's Lounge > Writer's Nook

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