Horse Eden : I'm Writing a Thing

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CrimsonValleyEstate

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EEE and PWE combo WB and TB mares!
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The Seven Sins

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Old Oak Stables

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Selling cheap horses in my main barn (Prices are from 100 to 300. All horses with An auction background are for sale.)

Fluffy's Cosy Home

12:22:20 Fluffy

Auction:
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I have:
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Connally Stud

12:18:49 Senda

Christmas came early. Help me test him please!
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Asfamoth

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Ends a bit after rollover.

Asfamoth

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Ends a bit after rollover.

Rainy ruins

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CrimsonValleyEstate

12:40:43 Crimson

EEE and PWE combo WB and TB mares!
-HEE Click-

The Seven Sins

12:37:54 Sveven/Karma

Selling a WWW 2yr old me from the #1 ABLB mare. Willing to lower the price! Come take a look as I need her gone!

Unicorn Academy

12:35:46 D Time/Wildstar

-HEE Click-
open for offers!

Chase's Place

12:30:14 :)Chase

Horses for breeding
-HEE Click-

Horses for Sale
-HEE Click-
-HEE Click-

Shop - new things added constantly
-HEE Click-

ISO
-HEE Click-

Old Oak Stables

12:27:03

Selling cheap horses in my main barn (Prices are from 100 to 300. All horses with An auction background are for sale.)

Fluffy's Cosy Home

12:22:20 Fluffy

Auction:
*Manchado
*World class
*Brindle
*EEE
*PEE
*Colour
-HEE Click-

I have:
*WWW/WW Straws
*Studs
*Items in my store
*Decors
*Sale horses
-HEE Click-

Connally Stud

12:18:49 Senda

Christmas came early. Help me test him please!
-HEE Click-

Asfamoth

12:16:50 Asfa

-HEE Click-
Ends a bit after rollover.

Asfamoth

12:16:49 Asfa

-HEE Click-
Ends a bit after rollover.

Rainy ruins

12:04:17

-HEE Click-

Chimera/sooty?
EEE/W combo filly/colts
COLOR COLOR COLOR

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Forums > Rider's Lounge > Writer's Nook

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I'm Writing a Thing

December 18, 2020 04:39 PM

TenaciTea

Posts: 1929
#825382
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Pandora Creek said:

If the other workers are acting like this is normal and she's surprised maybe make this her first week on the job? Also if there's an elevator but no warning not to take it maybe taking the elevator is a test for people? Also how does the murderer leave if the body slumps right as it opens on the third floor?

Some of your word choices made me have to reread the sentence but it's pretty good. "too-late paramedics" feels particularly clumsy in the sentence.

The idea is that she's kind of isolated from what's going on (doesn't really pay much attention to the news, etc) and the behavior that's been spreading has been kind of normalized violence, justified by "laziness". She's not aware of it. I haven't figured out much of her backstory yet, but the fact that using elevators is generally frowned on (and in her place of work, responsible resource use is especially important) might contribute to why she hasn't witnessed this before.

And I never said which floor the elevator started from xD

Yep! This is only a first draft, I'll look into changing that sentence.

Forums > Rider's Lounge > Writer's Nook

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