My mare starts bucking and my grandpa yells

"Hold on! If you can hold on here you can hold on in the arena."

Then, my mare took a sharp turn, i almost fell off over the fence into bushes but managed to right myself. He says "You may be as big as a bird but that doesn't mean you can fly."

Something of the sort... I overheard that in a lesson and thought it was amazing. 😂

Lol, I thought I'd revive this thread. I'll get things started :)

(On sitting trot) "you're bouncing like a sack of shit up there"

I was being examined recently for a qualification and as I was bandaging a horse's leg the examiner asked me a question which I didn't hear (I have a tendency to do that when I'm focused) and she tapped the top of my helmet and was like "HEY, you!!"

"fantastic camel impression"

I have a trainer who refers to a particularly downhill and heavy on the forehand horse as "the wheelbarrow"

I don't think I've had a trainer say anything funny (rude and hypocritical maybe) but one lady I worked and rode for (when I left my Eventing career ended because she ruined the sport for me) made me literally lean all the way back in my saddle almost laying down on my horse to "get him off the forehand". Did it work? Absolutely not.
She also bought an awful facility for an English rider and was making her students (me included) ride and jump our 16+hh TBs and WBs in a round CUTTING PEN!! Full courses and lines. It was impossible and caused my horse to become a dirty stopper from being scared to jump straight into the solid walls

I had one kid who was feral with her elbows, so finally I was like "have you ever seen a movie where someone is kidnapped, and they get tied to a chair and their elbows are tied to their sides?"

The kid nodded.

"Great, then do that."

So she'd trot around and every few minutes I'd yell "YOU'RE BEING KIDNAPPED" and boom her elbows would get better.

"It's a circle, not a hot dog."

xD

"You're not a puppy and you don't have paws. Turn your hands up vertically"

So, I had a lesson one time in a fairly small indoor, and I was working with a stubborn Thoroughbred gelding. This had been maybe my fourth lesson riding him, and I just decided to, I don't know how to explain it. I stopped steering him; like my brain malfunctioned lmao.

There was a plank on the wall, big because it was used to cover the entrance to the stalls so that people, or horses, couldn't just walk in. As we were nearing the plank, he was leaning heavily to the left and obviously going to hit the wall.

"Turn him. Turn!" My teacher said.

I let him run me into that plank as my teacher was staring at me wide-eyed in astonishment. It dragged me clean off the saddle while the gelding brushed against the wall.

When I landed on the ground, because the plank pulled me off, she stared at me like I had two heads. Had a nasty bruise on my ribs because of it, but I still laugh about it when I think back.