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So back in 2020, I bought a hot-headed anxiety-filled tb draft cross to hopefully start myself. But it has been nothing but downfall after downfall A couple months after I bought her I fell off my mounting block and hurt my knee. That put me out for 6 months and while I was out I sent her to a trainer that in hindsight I never should have because my horse was not any more rideable than when I dropped her off. Then I moved around a lot. I tried to keep her at barns I was working out at and I tried boarding her but I ended up having to give her more time off than anything due to a lack of appropriate riding spaces. I finally found a good barn and they helped me so much, but I was getting sick and tired of my current province, it was nothing but negative energy. So when my boyfriend at the time finished his schooling and invited me to move back home with him I took him up on the offer. My horse of course followed me out there but I was back to crappy riding spaces In 2023 I had my daughter and although I could still ride (which I was grateful for) I could only ride for the summer as winters are too harsh to ride in (for the most part). Then last spring Maple tried to die on me with a severe colic so she was out for the whole summer while I rehabbed her from colic and a mysterious lameness Finally, this was our year to get back at it. But I just don't feel a connection or a will to ride. My saddle doesn't fit her great and a new one isn't in the budget. I am currently trying to sell my old western saddle and my current english saddle to fund a new one but I have no takers. I'm extremely out of shape and she is the kind of horse that needs an athletic rider. Just last night we warmed up beautifully, she had some green quirks but nothing new. We cantered around alright, and I was maybe starting to feel in the grove. But when I tried to bring her back to a trot from a canter she just tensed right up and got hot-headed. This isn't new and something I can usually work through, but I was so out of shape I was more focused on holding on than correcting/training her that I had to come down to a walk. Once I felt better I tried to ask for the trot again but I got the same tense un rideable trot and yet again I was just trying to hold on instead of train her. I called my ride quites there and walked her back to the barn in tears on a loose rein. I love this horse. And even if I sell her I know I will never be able to afford another english horse that will fit me. I saved up everything as a teenager to be able to buy Maple. But now I have two other horses to care for, a house to pay for, bills to pay, a daughter to feed and clothe, and a part-time job. Another broke horse is not in the budget. I love her so much but I'm just not the rider for her. It's hard to belive that just back in 2022 I was schooling meter jump courses on her and was getting sale offers on her left and right. Now I'm lucky if I can stay on while I trot her I do have another horse, a broke 15-year-old paint horse. I have been riding her steady since the ground thawed but unfortunately riding her in my western saddle is clearly not keeping me in good enough shape to ride Maple and I just feel defeated. Jewel is the kind of horse that stops as soon as you feel unbalanced and will trot around in a frame while you scroll Instagram with your reins around the horn. She is a saint to ride, but not a jumper like I want so badly. This is mostly just a rant. I'm going to try to go for another ride tonight without the cantering and maybe it will be more productive  
PFA of the pretty girl, Maple |
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Trivia Team
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Hang in there. She's probably feeling as out of shape and unbalanced as you are- you're probably fitter than you think, and she's less than you think. Slow it down, do the work at the walk, slowly build to walk/trot transitions, and only when she can carry herself the way Jewel can at the walk and trot introduce cantering. She looks extremely thoroughbredy, and in my experience when they feel unbalanced they panic and get fast. Set both of you up for success by building the muscle back slowly and correctly. You're not a bad rider. We all feel worse when we're making progress, because we're leaving the comfort zone and heading into a new one. It's not fun, but it'll be worth it. You got this <3 |
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As Puck said, you're not a bad rider, it's just a learning curve. We all have these humps we have to go through to get progress, and sometimes it's harder than others, especially with horses. Instead of focusing on the big picture, focus on the small things you can do to improve the problem one by one. For example, I am working through an under-confident jumper right now, and sometimes it feels like I'm a horrible rider and I don't want to even try to get through it, and it's never going to change. This ranch horse, who never knew dressage or jumping, learned so much more than I thought by doing small steps to make big bounds. I didn't focus on how he couldn't even keep a canter circle, and just try to do the canter circle and get frustrated every time it didn't hold up. Instead, I did the easier bits first. I cantered on grass instead of sand, got him more fit and comfortable on the grass, celebrated, then moved to arena sand, did canter in one line, then half the arena, then the whole arena. Soon enough, through small steps, he built the confidence and fitness in the sand to hold himself up in the circle. Work on the little gears to make the big gear turn, don't try to force the big gear to turn when all the others are rusted. You'll get through this!! |
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I am no trainer like Puck but as someone with a green OTTB who has had lots of ups and downs, you are not alone. To me, it looks like she has a lack of topline. Maybe try lunging bitted up and allowing her to find her balance on her own and bringing her back into shape. With a green horse as I found the hard way, it's so easy to compare to others horses and wonder why yours isn't at that level yet. Small steps are best and quit on a good note. Also, have you considered she is doing out of pain? Mines ulcers got awakened and it was a constant bucking and a hot headed mess until he got treated for them. |
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Could you get someone to part share her with you the extra help from someone with the riding side and funds might just help , just make sure their 18+ and obvs have experience . I know it might not be a done thing where you live but I figured I'd mention the idea :) |
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Moderator
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Feeling like you're a bad rider means that you're aware of yourself and your horse, but it doesn't mean you're a bad rider. Every day is a new adventure and a new learning experience. I see WAY too many overconfident riders that shouldn't be doing what they're doing. |
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Sunny Day with a Full Moon tonight
