Hi yall I just needed to come on and rant/share about this with some people that might kind of understand the feeling im going through. For a backstory Ive grown up around horses my entire life and have been riding since I could walk. I got my first official pony of my own when I was 6 or 7 and have been kind of thrown around on different horses here and there in my life. My family ran a non profit horse rescue where we retrained and rehomed horses so I mainly learned how to ride on horses that didn't really know what they were doing either or learned how to work with horses on the ground. This mainly turned into me training horses and then them being sold for a profit when I was promised a longterm partner instead. This kind of ruined my bonding and relationship with horses since I was always expecting them to not be mine anymore. Well most of our horses weren't really safe for me to ride all the time so I didnt get in much riding time until I got my own horse when I was 15. I rode him everyday and worked with him constantly and finally felt that spark come back for horses. I loved working with him and genuinely saw a future with showing with that horse. An incident had happened later that year when I had gotten ran through a barbed wire fence by a horse and was dragged probably 400ft by a bolting horse with the barbed wire. I broke my back and have a permenant herniated disk. I went through 1 year of physical therapy with no help and overall took about a year off riding due to the injury. The first time I got back on him he bolted and threw me into the fence and I ended up loosing some confidence and could only ride him in the round pen. I had him for around 2 years total before a tragic family moved caused my mom to lie to me and sell him to my neighbor without telling me. We moved across the country and I worked very hard for around another year to purchase my own mustang(due to them being cheap). I got her up to the point of being started under saddle but with no help from trainers or anyone else she quickly developed a bucking habit. I got thrown from her probably like 20 times and quickly lost ALOT of my confidence. My mom made the decision again we were moving across the country and we couldnt take her so I sold her to a good friend of mine and shes now a dressage kids lesson horse. Fast forward probably 3 years off of having or riding horses I decided to get another mustang this time taking it alot slower and learning alot more from other people. I had him for almost 2 years before starting him under saddle and took it very very slow. He was doing amazing with probably 30 successful rides under him until someone fired a gun outside the arena(assault rifle) which spooked him and he bucked. I came off and immediately got a concussion. I decided I didnt want to end on a bad note so I soothed him and got back on again. He was fine for a couple minutes until he felt my legs touch him again and he blew up agian. Came off again. Another concussion and sprained my neck. Well I went to just soothe him and stand in one stirrup leaning over him without the pressure of my legs touching him and he threw me into the wall. Because of the double concussion I cant really remember which injuries happened when but I ended up with the double concussions, tore my MCL in my right knee, Sprained my neck, Bruised ribs and lung, deep muscle bruising on my thigh and smacked my spine on the wall of the arena causing my disc injury to flare up for like a couple months. I do know all about this being terrible and the could've should've would'ves I definitely would have done things differently if i were in that position now but I cant change the past. Due to my knee injury i didnt want him sitting in a stall with no excersise so i ended up finding someone i trust to give him a forever home. He is now doing state 4H and winning with his 15yr old rider and I couldnt have asked for a better home for him. I do still have another horse currently. Ive owned him since he was just weaned hes now a coming 4 year old being started under saddle by a proffessional trainer with over 30+ years experience training horses. This brings us to my current situation. My current 3 year old is western pleasure bred. I would love to do trail or western pleasure on him in the future and the barn I board at is a very successful western pleasure, hunter under saddle, trail, ect. show barn. They are also the ones starting him under saddle. Ive watched his training sessions and everything and I love the way they train him and encourage him to use his natural movement instead of forcing a fake gait. Im also taking 2 riding lessons per week and heres my current dilemma. Ive realized and quite humbly that i have NO idea what the hell im doing. Its been a wild experience and im currently 3 weeks in and have realized Ive never really known how to ride just how to sit on the horse and run around. Ive taken probably like 15 lessons at an old barrel barn but come to realize those lessons last year taught me literally nothing that i will need to know. The steering is different the leg is different the cues are different and everything feels so strange. I genuinely feel like im having to relearn how to walk again its insane. Turning the rein doesnt even turn the horse T.T..... To stop i have to put on leg, pull up, sit back and say woah. My leg is so used to sitting super forward due to the barrel lessons that now on these horses i need to relearn how to balance, how to look, how to trot, how to steer, how to put on leg and take leg off, literally every single thing. I feel the most unconfident i ever have in my entire life and on top of that i feel like my trainer thinks im more experienced than i am and is pressuring me to canter and trot even though my confidence is completely wack. I never realized how hard it would be coming back to horses after injuries and time off. The worst part is my boyfriend with no horse experience has been taking lessons with me and keeps getting put on the easy laid back horses and im getting put on more experienced ones and hes cantering circles around me while im still learning how to steer my horse. Its confidence shattering and I really dont know what to do. My young horse will be in training for a very long time before I start taking lessons on him but the issue is im scared that im just not good enough to ride him and im scared that im going to ruin him:(

I know that everything will be fine with me gaining confidence in lessons but how do you guys gain confidence in coming back after injuries that have completely ground levelled your motivation and confidence to be back in the horse world>.>?

I think that if I were in your shoes I would start from the ground and work my way up. And if they want to put you on horses requiring experienced riders you need to tell your trainer or whatever a big NO. They might argue with you but you need to tell them that you are the one sitting on a horse being uncomfortable. And that it does not help you one bit.

I'm going to say the opposite thing, I think trust your trainer a bit. As a trainer, I can say we do NOT want to watch our students fall and fail. We want you to succeed, so if they're asking something of you, it's because they see that you're capable.

Yes, clearly you need a lot of fine tuning in your riding. But the experiences you've had probably gave you a great sense of balance and a good seat. That's a fantastic basis. Teaching the little details is so much easier- the biggest obstacle right now is your fear.

And working through that is the hardest thing. Trusting your trainer, and yourself, means letting go of a lot of baggage, and it can feel like second nature to hang onto it.

But you can do this. Take a deep breath and believe it. On the other side of fear is an amazing connection and experiences ♡

Oof, I understand what you're going through. My advise is to first discuss this with your trainer. That way they can help you with building your confidence. My seccond piece of advice is to take it slow. You could take the first lesson to teach yourself how to balance, the seccond lesson how to look etc. That way you have small goals that are easier to accomplish. With each accomplished goal, you start building your confidence.

For me personally, I took a couple nasty falls causing me to loose confidence in trot-canter transitions. I mostly have my confidence back, but sometimes my anxiety rears it head which makes me scared again that something is going to happen. For me it is helpful if I have a confident trainer, because they give me less time to worry and I just have to do it. Looking back on those lessons is interesting, because apparently they have more confidence in me than I have in myself.

The annoying thing about confidence is that it's lost quickly, but gained slowly. However, every time you get back up you become stronger than the person you would've been if you stayed down.

Not sure if anyone is following this or anything but success!!! Tried a different horse and to be honest we really clicked today:D talked to my trainer about confidence and I had a really really good lesson today! Thank you to everyone for your advice and words of encouragement I really appreciate it.

I am happy for you that you had a good lesson. I know it is the first step in your journey, but you will get there. I believe in you. Keep communicating with your trainer and remember to enjoy riding, it is meant to be fun after all.