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My whole life I have struggled with fitting in and making social interactions. Well, a little less than two years ago I was diagnosed with autism. This was very reassuring because it explained my quirks and behavior. I am very good at masking my autism and as such hardly ever disclose it. 6 months ago I got a job working at an elementary school. It turns out it was nothing like what they described in the interview, but in spite of this I was determined to stick it out. I told my boss I have autism and it causes me to miss a lot of work because after having a meltdown that day I am not inclined to go into work next day to be overstimulated all over again. They made changes to help accomodate me once only to change their mind and take them back. Recently, I have reached my breaking point and have been experiencing sensory overload from the screaming, yelling, and misbehaving kids. Instead of having a meltdown at work I power through my day ignoring my pounding headache and shaking hands. When I get to my car I burst into tears and sob until I get home. I have never experienced autistic meltdowns until I got this job. I put in my two weeks notice and was hoping I could force myself to attend everyday of those last two weeks, but I had another autistic meltdown today. I told my boss I can't come in tomorrow and she, and the teachers I work with, told me they were upset, disappointed, and that I need to try and come in tomorrow anyways. I know I haven't been a reliable employee, but I was expecting to be met with more understanding rather than the response I got. Tonight, I am just feeling guilty that my disbaility is impacting my ability to be a good employee. I wish I could stop myself from having the meltdowns, but I don't know how. Can I get some reassurance that I am not a bad person because of all of this? |
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It's not your fault that you have autism. As somebody who also has it, I understand it's hard to be "accepted" or guilted by the people I work with. They don't specifically "dislike" you for your autism, they just don't understand it. When you feel like you're about to have a breakdown, take a few deep breaths, focus on your feet, and try to cope with the noise. My breakdowns are triggered by sudden loud noises, but now i've tried to cope with the noise by focusing on my feet, anchoring them to the ground, and trying slow breaths. I know it's hard, but after a little bit of self discipline, you can deal with things better. If you want to talk more then just shoot me a PM. |
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Trivia Team
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This is just very much the wrong job for you. Hang in there, I'm proud you prioritized your mental health and put in your two weeks. <3 You'll do amazing somewhere else, because the things that are weaknesses in this job will be strengths elsewhere. |
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You are absolutely not a bad person! This job is just not suited for you and that's ok! There's plenty of other jobs out there and I'm sure you will find one that is accommodating and makes you feel good :) I completely get your struggles, I have Tourette's and sensory issues and I wouldn't feel comfortable either in that job :) well done for taking off the time you need to rest! |
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You are not a bad person. I have ADHD and I just want to say that the strength it must have took to put in your two weeks is not ost on me. Please know that there are people and employers that will see your strengths.I am proud of you! -Feel free to friend and PM me if you want to talk. |
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Fog Early followed by Afternoon Showers
