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Normally i try to stay as upbeat and positive as i can here, but at this point i really just need an outlet. These past few weeks have been some special hell, and my mental health decided to take me for a roller coater. I'm perfectly fine and happy, then spiraling into the worst panic attack of my life, or one small thing wakes up all of the issues i hadn't struggled with in years. Due to all of the awful exams, projects, and general life stress exacerbating this, i've come to realize a lot of the 'normal' habits i've had my whole life, are common signs of GAD...fun. thanks to all of that anxiety and other issues, i'm constantly on edge or feeling like my heart is in a pit. At this rate every day i get home is met with me diving into art to preserve whatever shreds of sanity i have left, or cocooned in a blanket unable to do anything productive. Unfortunately that also means i lack the energy and bandwith to keep myself from being at a (somehow) even shorter temper, and increasingly irritable which isn't fun for me or the people around me. Even with that being something i've struggled with for a long time, the compilation of everything and my seeming inability to grab control of the situation makes even the smallest things start to make me unimaginably angry. Accompanying all of this, a close family member was recently diagnosed with cancer after a routine checkup, and within a few weeks is already beginning to struggle with it. This wasn't a huge surprise as my family is very cancer-prone, however it's diffcult to see someone who is such a key pillar of my life wavering, especially after i lost 2 other family members within a month of eachother a year or two ago. On the smaller issues side, i've procrastinated or crapily completed practically every task thrown at me, AC went out, cracked my new car's headlight, neighbor (with whom i'm very very close with) 's dog died, my own dog had a medical emergency, family pressure, feeling sore and inadequate after 4+ months off of riding, It's genuinely by some miracle that i'm passing all of my classes, but i feel like i'm drowning, and with everyone in my life dealing with their own issues, i'm left to be the token 'upbeat' and perpetually energetic person when i can barely keep myself from breaking down at times or just going numb. :) Well that about sums it up i think, my time is up and it's home-o'clock, Thank you for reading my little vent lol xD - hearing from everyone means the world to me, and i'm starting to try to just do what i can, and work with where i'm at, which definitely helps my spinning mind slow down haha <3 |
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I apologize if this wall if text is a bit intimidating, I chugged a large coffee before this which made me even more jittery and racing, but we do what we need to to get things done haha |
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Awwww, hun. I am sending lots of hugs and good vibes your way. <3
Life really does get tough at times. It isn't fair and sadly the "outside" world doesn't really help most of the time. What's important to remember is that there is always a light at the end of the tunnel, and doing just one small thing a day is progress. Even if that is just brushing your teeth or brushing your hair. I really struggled recently too when my father died. His birthday was the 17th of April, and let's just say I was not a nice person to be around. (I do not even know how I still have a boyfriend.) But I did find that focusing on the small wins each day helped me survive and get moving. Even making a little list of things I would like to get done (like clean the house, clean my room, etc) and just ticking one thing off a day. It's okay to not be okay. And it's okay to take some time to just survive.
As long as you don't let that survival mode take over your whole life.
So, rest, draw, and take the time to just build on the small things while your nervous system finds itself. <3 |
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Vahana Hollow said:
Awwww, hun. I am sending lots of hugs and good vibes your way. <3
Life really does get tough at times. It isn't fair and sadly the "outside" world doesn't really help most of the time. What's important to remember is that there is always a light at the end of the tunnel, and doing just one small thing a day is progress. Even if that is just brushing your teeth or brushing your hair. I really struggled recently too when my father died. His birthday was the 17th of April, and let's just say I was not a nice person to be around. (I do not even know how I still have a boyfriend.) But I did find that focusing on the small wins each day helped me survive and get moving. Even making a little list of things I would like to get done (like clean the house, clean my room, etc) and just ticking one thing off a day. It's okay to not be okay. And it's okay to take some time to just survive.
As long as you don't let that survival mode take over your whole life.
So, rest, draw, and take the time to just build on the small things while your nervous system finds itself. <3
Thank you Val TOT it honestly just feels good to let it out and try to accept that fact. I'm so sorry about your father as well, sometimes things can definitely just set us off >.< |
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Hey <3 Everything will be alright. It is okay to take a day to breathe and focus on yourself. . If you ever need someone to talk to about anxiety, I'm right here. I've struggled with it since very early on. Many panic attacks, and even eventually spiralled into mutism on the social side of that spectrum. I learned ASL and it was the only way I was willing to speak to anybody when outside of the house. And that was even if I had the courage to do that. . Give it time, be gentle and kind to yourself. Life will always have rough patches, some worse than others, and during those times it is perfectly okay to do things that focus more on yourself, and your mental needs. . ... I just realized I posted from my side but I think you know I'm Versa anyways lol |
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Heartbeat Haven said:
Hey <3 Everything will be alright. It is okay to take a day to breathe and focus on yourself. . If you ever need someone to talk to about anxiety, I'm right here. I've struggled with it since very early on. Many panic attacks, and even eventually spiralled into mutism on the social side of that spectrum. I learned ASL and it was the only way I was willing to speak to anybody when outside of the house. And that was even if I had the courage to do that. . Give it time, be gentle and kind to yourself. Life will always have rough patches, some worse than others, and during those times it is perfectly okay to do things that focus more on yourself, and your mental needs. . ... I just realized I posted from my side but I think you know I'm Versa anyways lol
Aw thank you Versa, it means a lot to know you get it, I'm trying to just let myself relax and try not to think about it too much with my pup right next to me lol <3 thankfully I was able to get home and sit alone for a while to calm down after how upset I was writing all if this |
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I'm so sorry you're going through all this DD. I got diagnosed as a child with GAD, and more recently, MDD lol (those two go hand in hand so watch out). I highly recommend seeing a councilor/therapist, and maybe talk to your doctor too as they can provide resources. (I'm in Canada so all my visits/referrals/prescriptions are free, so I don't know what it's like for you). But since you're in school, you should get at least a handful of free counciling sessions, which is what I've been doing the last few months, and honestly, it's helped a ton to just talk it out. Some advice I've been given is don't focus on doing your best just yet, whatever's effort you're putting in is a win and it won't help if you beat yourself up over it (easier said than done lol). Sending hugs your way DD, you'll get through this :) |
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Sagebrush said:
I'm so sorry you're going through all this DD. I got diagnosed as a child with GAD, and more recently, MDD lol (those two go hand in hand so watch out). I highly recommend seeing a councilor/therapist, and maybe talk to your doctor too as they can provide resources. (I'm in Canada so all my visits/referrals/prescriptions are free, so I don't know what it's like for you). But since you're in school, you should get at least a handful of free counciling sessions, which is what I've been doing the last few months, and honestly, it's helped a ton to just talk it out. Some advice I've been given is don't focus on doing your best just yet, whatever's effort you're putting in is a win and it won't help if you beat yourself up over it (easier said than done lol). Sending hugs your way DD, you'll get through this :)
I'm definitely looking into what options i have for doctors/therapists (US, so no free health care XD but thankfully counselors are available through school systems like you mentioned). It feels really reassuring to know i'm not the only one lol, thank you sage <33 |
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