The past two weeks have not been easy and I have been feeling overwhelmed. My Grandma was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer and is expected die in the near future. I feel guilty because I am not sad like everyone else. My Grandma was emotionally abusive and I have suffered a lot of traumatic experiences at her hands. Now that she is dying, friends and family members suddenly want to be involved in her life. They weren't involved when she was healthy and wanted to spend time with them. I was and as a result was abused because I spent the most time with her.

Life just feels incredibly unfair right now.

I now realize my feelings of bitterness came from the fact she wasn't able to completely overcome the trauma she experienced as a child, but in my heart, I now feel at peace and have forgiven her because she did overcome A LOT. She wasn't physically abusive like her parents were and her abusive comments came from a place of insecurity that were fueled by her adoptive mother. I know she loved me and did her best. My heart is breaking to lose her, but I glad she will no longer be in pain, physically or emotionally.