I don’t usually like to vent, but today I’m really struggling. It feels like my family and I have been on a never-ending rollercoaster lately. Last year, my dad was let go from his job of over 25 years and unfortunately, the only job sufficient enough to keep paying the bills is trucking, which of course, means that he is gone a lot. My brother is also a trucker, and they have decided to do team driving, which is pretty nice, but it's not really what either of them wants to be doing. We are a very close family so we don't like being away for too long. Even though I’m an adult, I still live with my parents and do what I can to help, but right now I’m job hunting and barely have $100 to my name. It’s really hard because I want to contribute more, but I’m not in a position to do so financially. I'm grateful to have parents who still allow their adult children to live with them. lol

On top of that, there’s a lot of family drama. I know every family has its issues, but it just feels like it’s never-ending, and I've seen relationships being torn apart because of it. This isn’t even the half of it. I would have to write an entire book to tell that, not to mention that some of it is far too personal to share.

I’ve always been the type of person who wants to fix everything, even when it’s not my problem or in my control. Because of that, I tend to hide my feelings as I don't want to put more problems on anyone, especially since I know a lot of my family struggles with their own mental health. I find it hard to be open about how I’m truly feeling, so I try to keep a smile on my face and “stay strong” in hopes of being able to help others. It is so damn hard though and when you keep everything bottled up for so long, it breaks you.

I contemplated even posting this as I don’t want anyone to feel sorry for me. I just needed to get some things off my chest.