I'm missing something, obviously. I see the people around me, there's a lot of good. I know the world is...a strange place right now to say the least, but so many people push through in strength, resilience, and hope. But I feel so lost. It's like a feeling of not being where I should be or lack of belonging. I like to visit my nearest wilderness, it helps a lot. But it kinda just lifts the weight of the hopelessness while I'm out there, it doesn't make me feel better about what I'd be going back too. In fact it can make me want to push away even more. It doesn't really give me a path to follow, or maybe I'm just not utilizing it correctly.

I feel frustrated. I feel a little shameful and selfish for wanting some of the things I want. Sometimes I wonder if I'm asking to much. I feel like I'm not cut out for this modern world. I can see potential in myself but in terms of compatibility with life, I feel defective. Unable to thrive but...why does it sound so selfish to me? I have a daughter and at some point my despair is selfish, I feel like it takes something away from her.

I'm not religious but I do think there is some sort of spiritual connection to us, all living things, and this earth. I just don't label that connection. It's there and I see it and I'm a part of it. A wave is something the whole ocean is doing ya know? I also think Science is the equivalent of understanding and finding answer to the holiness of the creation of life as we know it. I say this because I don't want anyone to hold back if they feel they have something to say to me. I'll relay my feelings to my therapist tomorrow but I think it's important to hear from other people. If you could say anything to everyone on this planet, I'd like to hear it. I'd like to find something, grow my neural pathways.

I think this is a time of hardship for humanity, there's so much we can learn from each other now more than ever. I struggle with chronic pain and fatigue, my daughter just had a seizure, and the pit of financial upheaval has got me questioning everything. If you can relate or have any advice, I appreciate you, feel free to leave a post or message <3

My pets. Understanding that they need me, and I love them.
My plants, knowing that I can take care of myself by taking care of nature around me. The berries, peppers, etc.

My flowers. Waking up to check for new blooms and enjoying their beauty.